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[pottershotter]

I really hate planes.

But! I know you've all missed me something terrible, so I'm here to make your lonely lives more meaningful. If you don't know me by now, you really should be ashamed of yourself. James Potter. Pleasure to make your acquaintance. ♥

Sorry I had to leave you all alone for so long. I know you can't handle life without me, really, but I was home with my family. And when I told them how much you all needed me, they sprung up and said I should go back to school immediately. I love my parents.

So. Did you miss me? ♥

Comments

[ohsosiriusly.livejournal.com]

Missed you? I was literally pining away without you, James. You should've seen it, it was quite spectacular: first I grew roots into my dorm, and then little needles started prickling out of my arms and it began to smell like Christmas...

How're the mum and dad? Fiesty as over? Tell them I am sorry that I did not see them this summer, but we still have the hols to remedy that. Did you know Gin is gonna get Molly Weasley to make me a jumper?

But, out of curiosuity, were there any snakes on that plane?

[pottershotter.livejournal.com]

Maybe I should have waited until the holidays to come back then, Sirius. We could have hung ornaments on you and strung you up with lights and garland. I'm sure you would have looked spectacular.

Of course. And I will, don't worry about that. They were devastated you weren't there, but I'm sure they're over it by now. Really now?

No, there were no snakes on that plane. There might have been a stag though. Wasn't paying close enough attention.

[ohsosiriusly.livejournal.com]

When do I not look spectacular? Even in all my tree-glory, I was a regular woman magnet. I've got a girlfriend you know. Someone finally managed to snag me and that bet I told you about fell horribly through.

If you'd be so kind, tell your mother that when I finally do whisk her away that I'll make it up to her with... chocolates. And your father gets a new watch. For you, sexual favors of your choice. Really. I'm an honorary Weasley. Does this mean Ginny wants me?

I heard it's deer season.

[pottershotter.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you were. Women really go for prickly pine-scented idiots. And really? This is news. What did you drug her with? Shame that. There's always my room though. I'm sure Snivellus won't mind.

Noted. I'll tell my mother you never want her homebaked cookies again, my father that you're after his woman, and I'll pass on that, thanks, as amazing as I'm sure you are. I don't think your hair's red enough. And I do believe that if she liked you, you would have won the bet, without it falling through. Though I suppose a jumper is a few points in your favor.

Oh my, that's unsettling. Especially in the city like this.

[ohsosiriusly.livejournal.com]

I'm not an idiot; I'm a dapper young fellow! And yes, I do. She's a 7th-year, goes by... Oh, you know Baru, don't you? If he does, we can go do something like... headbutt him out the window or something equally appropriate.

The sexual favors happen to be a mandatory thing, sorry. And come on, don't be hard-to-get like that, James. You know your parents love me. All the way down to their toes. I'm like... the brother you never wanted. I could dye it. Or that Millay girl, she can change it for me, can't she? And she didn't like me before, but I think she's warming up! I bet it'll be blue, to match my eyes. ♥ I'll sleep in it and everything.

Don't worry. My love will protect you.

[pottershotter.livejournal.com]

Right. Of course you are. ...Baru? Surely you're mixing up your girlfriend with her. Your real girlfriend can't possibly be that attractive. I'll leave that to you then. I'd rather not grease up my hair, thank you.

I have a habit of getting out of "mandatory" things. You should know that by now. And they do. They really do. But at least I never had a sister either. You'd be all over her. You'd look horrid in red hair. But it would match if she made you a neon orange jumper. Maybe if I put in word with Ginny, I could get her mother to embroider "GIT" across the front.

It had better. Or I'll come back and haunt you.

[ohsosiriusly.livejournal.com]

Just because you are able to overlook my irresistable self doesn't mean girls do, Prongs. After all, who's bedded the most girls here? Me. That would be me. And yes, it's Baru. Want me to get you a photograph? Ta. I'm absolutely charmed.

Well, if it's detention with Kaede, I don't know why you'd want to leave, love of my life she is. And if it was your sister, it'd be the other way around: she'd be all over me. And then, to save her from herself, I'd shag her. Hope you don't mind. ... Well, yes, I would, so that's why I'm keeping my lovely black hair. And she would never do such a thing. She'll probably put something like "GINNY'S" instead. Or "PRIME MANMEAT." Either one works.

And what will you do, float through me?

[pottershotter.livejournal.com]

Oh, can it. It's still hard to believe. You can't blame me for be skeptical. I thought you would be.

Sadly, I don't love her quite the way you do. Especially not when it involves pulling weeds. But I'm sure you'd pull her weeds all night long, am I right? And stay away from my hypothetical sister. You'd no good for her, as charming as you are. Or "DAMAGED GOODS." That one works too.

I'll possess you and then you'll never bang another woman again. Ever.

[ohsosiriusly.livejournal.com]

But it's me, Prongs. Would it be any other mate of yours who would be able to bed and date Baru? No. None. Only me.

But come on, James. Imagine her beautiful face. Her wrinkles. Her little fragile wrists. She's like a grandmother-love-package. And yes, I do. I've really got to stop getting her to arrange our meetings under the guises of detention. Someone might take notice. And your imaginary sister loves me. She's told me so. Now I can really join the family. Don't make me prod you.

... That's not funny. That's cruel.

[pottershotter.livejournal.com]

True. Of you, Remus, and Peter, you're probably the most likely, as much as I hate to say it.

I'd rather not. You can keep your fantasies all to yourself. And I'm afraid my imaginary sister will not be getting with you. Ever. But lucky for you, my parents would adopt you in a heartbeat. You'd have to find me first.

Well, if you're so confident your love will save me, it'll never be a problem, will it?

[ohsosiriusly.livejournal.com]

That's because my bird-getting skills are renowned far and wide. Also, you forget to recognize me as the most charming and most handsome of us four. It's only natural after all; comes with the bloody Black breeding.

Suit yourself, mate. They're real nice, my fantasies. And I'd love to be adopted by your parents! If only I were officially disowned... Ah, the possibilities... .. You're a right git, you know that? It's not that hard. I look for the guy stalking Lily.

True, true.

[pottershotter.livejournal.com]

You wish they were renowned far and wide. And I didn't forget, since I'm quite obviously the most charming and handsome of us. And you're my lovable sidekick.

Your fantasies would probably scar the minds of the innocent. And that'd be nice, to have you come be my brother. My mother would probably bake your weight in sweets in celebration and would probably take us out in the back and let us play with fire and all that good fun stuff. And my family would prove to be about a billion times better than yours. Besides, Sirius Potter sounds a lot better in my opinion. I am not stalking her!

[ohsosiriusly.livejournal.com]

They are. How else could they find me? They go: "Sirius, use your magic fingers." And I do. As for me being sidekick, maybe we can talk when Evans actually stops hating you. Until then, I am the leader of this Boys' Club and you are my second-in-command, being unable to get a girl to even like you as a friend.

The innocent? I made Lovelace look tame. I wouldn't mind being your brother either. It's not it'd be any different from now, after all. And then I get to call your mum Mum and your father Father and I get cookies and don't have to nick them off you anymore. And yes, Potters are better than Blacks (excluding me, of course)... But Sirius Potter sounds like shit, mate. ... Right.

[pottershotter.livejournal.com]

Har har. Very funny. Though in that you include the hope that she'll actually stop hating me, which I appreciate immensely~

It really wouldn't be much different, would it? It'd just be more official. And this is why I like Remus. He asks, you nick. For shame. Especially when I happen to have some on my person. And I think Sirius Potter sounds wonderful. But it wouldn't work. We can't have two Mr. Potters running around the school, can we? It would be chaos. Madness. Sparta.

[ohsosiriusly.livejournal.com]

Anything for you, mate. We all need a little white lie to keep us going at times.

But you like me because I nick. Shows great ambition, courage, and ... nickery. Would I be Sirius in any other form or fashion? I think not. It is because of my nicking skills that we are best mates, you and I. And if you keep talking like that, I'm going to think you want to marry me, so desperately you want me to be a Potter. If that's the case, just ask and be done with, James.

[ ooc: Sparta made me giggle. XD ]